life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
