I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
