my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
