one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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