put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
