Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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