The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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