if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
ttyl tear gas
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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