I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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