I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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