I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
