Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
