I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
