sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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