I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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