I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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