I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
