i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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