I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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