This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
