dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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