Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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