why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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