my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
