last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
