I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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