my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
