Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
