i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
