remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
