i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
