Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
