i think my tv is drunk
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
