The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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