Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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