glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
