I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
