you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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