Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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