we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
