Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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