U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
