i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
