i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
