Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
