Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
