if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
