Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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