hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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