I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
